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Mindfulness – being in the present moment on purpose, without judgement.
Parenting is what we do, not who we are! Hockey parents are often given the bad rap of being over involved in their son/daughters hockey life. It can seem that way as they are often the financiers, taxi drivers, fans, supporters and often try to impart their life wisdom on them. As they say, it takes just a few bad apples to ruin the whole batch. However, many parents have their hearts in the right place and just want what is best for their kids. That is why creating more present moment awareness can go a long way to creating a peaceful space for kids to develop and play the game they love.
The following are 5 steps to becoming a more mindful hockey parent.
- Develop detached involvement – Be present with your son/daughter and be a great support to them but don’t over-do it. Be involved but don’t over attached to any particular outcome. Don’t spend too much mind space living through the ups and downs of their hockey journey.
- Don’t take things personal – Learn to accept the what-isness of any given moment. It is what it is. If your child is cut from a team or makes one, it is no reflection on you as a parent. It is just other people’s judgements, no more no less.
- Manage your own stress reactions – When we allow ourselves to lose our tempers or behave unruly at the rink or at home, we are role modeling those behaviors to our sons/daughters who are watching us. Be aware of what may be stressing us out and consciously choose our thoughts that drive our words and actions
- Be intentionally positive – Choose to see what is good about them and their game. Don’t go into coach mode as soon as they get in the car after a game. You can always discuss the should-haves at a later time. Build them up first. Get rid of any question that begins with “why”.
- Trust the process – Fear can cause parents to show up as needing to have control or pouting, because things didn’t go their way. Hockey is just a game. However, this process of development will teach kids about winning, losing and overcoming adversity. It will allow them to develop into young men/women who are confident, assertive and understand the value of collaboration to be able to succeed or learn the lessons that come from losing.
Are we mindful yet?
Your level of consciousness in the moment is driving most of your reactions towards your kids, coaches, referees and other parents, particularly when you act out of anger or frustration.
This mindfulness – something you can only do in the moment, is not something you master but can practice in whatever moment you find yourself in.
One final idea
If you find yourself losing your patience often, either at the rink or at home, then you are most likely stretched too thin or living in your thought world way too much. Consider evaluating your life and examining what you can change to reduce your stress so you become more relaxed, present and mindful parent.
For more from Walter Aguilar and Natural Action Movement Coaching visit www.naturalactioncoach.com
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